If I could say the words I would say.....

comfortable
casual
safe
shivers
desire
uninhibited
heartfelt
thoughts
fantasies
soft
passionate
falling
unsure
curious
intimate
heavenly
afraid
loving
belonging
attracted
sharing
forever

Life is good, so when does it all fall apart?

I can't believe that I don't have one single thing in life to complain about, I mean it. NOTHING! Everything in my life seems to be going just perfect. I keep waiting for it to fall apart. My family is healthy and happy, my job is going GREAT! No complaints in the dating life, (next blog about that) so i just keep looking behind me, thinking its all going to come from behind me and knock me on my behind.
I guess I should just enjoy it, live it and love it! Who knows how long it will last.

just something to think about

I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious Ambiguity.

gilda radner

Headed For a Heartbreak

Have you ever walked into something knowing that the outcome wasn't going to be a good one? Looked at a situation and said hmmmm.... this isn't going to end well! That's how I feel right now. I have been spending more time with a certain someone, not only more time, but having more conversations, letting him into my thoughts, and unfortunately feeling things for him I don't quite understand. If you knew him, you would understand why it's so difficult NOT to fall for him. He's perfect, and I don't mean perfect without flaws, I mean just perfect in the sense that he knows how to treat a woman, and not just any woman, but me, he listens to what your needs are and then he makes every effort to meet them, and not in an obvious way, not like he's trying to hard, it just comes natural to him to make me feel amazing. We spent the night together Friday, and being next to him all night is so comforting, I miss that, the intimacy you have with someone in the middle of the night, you know all those things, foot over theirs, holding hands, snuggled up. I could barely sleep, I just wanted to enjoy it, to enjoy him lying there next to me, and it wasn't that I was just lost in the intimacy, I was getting lost in him. And getting lost in someone is a scary place to be. Of course the oh my goodnessing is always amazing, the way he touches me, the way my body responds to him and his touch, the way he kisses me. The conversation is always good, and the laughter, inside jokes are still my favorite thing about him. But prior to all that we were out dancing on Friday night, and we we're dancing to a slow song, and I looked up at him, looked in his eyes, he slowly kissed me and I knew in that one moment that he would inevitably and unintentionally shatter my heart one day.

Is that his fault, no.. not at all. I could walk away, I could try to keep my feelings in check, keep from feelings things for him neither of us wants. but I won't do any of those, I will just enjoy every minute I spend with him, I will keep the things I feel for him as hidden as I can, and I will know that some day, one day when he is gone from my life, and my heart is aching, that he was worth the price of admission.

Here You Come Again

Here you come again
Just when I've begun
To get myself together
You waltz right in the door
Just like you've done before
And wrap my heart
'Round your little finger
Here you come again
Just when I'm about
To make it work without you

You look into my eyes
And light those dreamy eyes
And pretty soon I'm wonderin'
How I came to doubt you
All you gotta do
Is smile that smile
And there go all my defenses
Just leave it up to you
And in a little while
You're messin' up my mind
And fillin' up my senses

Here you come again
Lookin' better than a body
Has a right to
And shakin' me up so
That all I really know
Is here you come again

Damn the Eager Beaver!

Ok, so I know I said I would never ever go on a date without meeting someone first, and I really thought I would try and stick to that, but ugh! I didn't and well again..it bit me in the ..well you know. SOOOOOOOOOOO to make a long story a little shorter, Mr. Eager Beaver contacted me on myspace, now I don't normally respond to men that I don't know, but this guy was seriously cute, I mean seriously cute! and he was a friend of a friend, I figured he was safe. He had many pics on there, now again...I should have remembered what it had been like meeting Forest, but somehow I blocked that out with the rest of that horrible date...so we exchanged a few messages back and forth, and he sent me his number, I thought, what the heck I have nothing to lose, (except of course my dignity) but anyway...

So I called him, what a great voice, and sooo freakin funny, I hadn't laughed that much with a guy since hanging out with 007, sooo there goes the late night chats, the all day text messages, he calls me Princess, cute before, annoying now. He tells me he is sure I haven't had that much fun in forever...apparently he wasn't with me the last time I was with 007.

After a few conversations we decided to meet, now mind you I am not going to meet at a public place, learned that lesson, although it would have been kind of funny to go back to Starbucks and have John be the guy taking my order....

In the midst of conversations he tells me he feels a connection...ummmm yeah thats AT and T sir! or maybe it's verizon... can you feel me now??

What the hell? a connection... anyway then he goes on about fate and destiny... I was waiting for him to mention Beyonce and the trio would have been complete, but alas he stuck to those two... anyhow..lets get serious, who feels destiny, fate and a real connection without having met, how can you be attracted to someone you have never met, I'm sure you are thinking people do it all he time...well not this people...

anyway, we finally decide to meet, he tells me I have to pass a "test" holy bat crap, are we in high school??? well this particular test was a "kissing" test, yes I'm freking serious... I said ummmm...I think you better be planning to ask permission first before you go smooching these lips. Well he didn't he swooped in before I could run the other way and lip locked me and the kiss was horrible, now I don't think I am the greatest kisser in the world, Ive never kissed myself or had anyone tell me I'm the worst, so I guess id be ok...but please sir, can you never do that again.

and on top of it all, AGAIN he looks nothing like his pics, what the hell?? Can everyone just go out and get some new pictures taken.... or maybe as my dear friend "Rose" (name changed to protect the innocent..hehe) he just photographs well... thats a freaking understatement...

oh and did I mention that he LIVES for myspace...yes my friends, he told me I had been slacking on the job because someone had bought him, oh and that I hadn't moved him to my top 10, oh I'm sorry I'm not in high school, and my top 10 is reserved for important people in my life.

Sooooo now he says that we have to be open to where this could be going, he feels something special and I just need to be open to the possibilities... yeah, ummmm there are no possibilities except maybe a friendship..... and no that is not friends with benefits!!! So keep your lips to yourself....

He calls me honey and sweety and sugerplum....BLAGHHH!!!

ok, so enough bitching about the eager to jump into a relationship and post it on myspace beaver......

I guess I'm in a bitter man mood.... :)

A Thought To Ponder....

Later that day I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous.

Carrie... Sex and The City

Dating Forrest Gump

So I went on this date the other night with Forrest Gump, How we met isn't important, but let's just say a few pics were exchanged, now I will be honest, I absolutely hate having my picture taken, but all the pics I do have are up to date and current, so with that being said...I received a few from Forrest and thought, ok not bad, but when we met at the agreed meeting place, he wasn't at all the person in the pics, or the person i had spoke to on the phone, I am not at all the type of person who thinks looks are more important than personality but even the guy working the counter commented that this was not going to be a fun date! (thanks coffee guy)

He brought me a bouquet of flowers, i know some of you will say that this was sweet, and maybe it would have been, if we hadn't been at a coffee shop, and it had been a single flower, not a bouquet of flowers, wrapped in the bag they put them in with the price tag just barely ripped off the side, it also was a bit awkward holding them, even coffee guy had a smart remark about the flowers...

Soooo I grabbed my drink and decided to sit in a very large overstuffed chair, keeping some space between us, not wanting to get all nice and cozy. We began to engage in conversation, or at least we tried to, he proceeded to tell me about his financial ruin, losing his house and some crazy stories about exes and paternity tests. I found myself thinking of other things, not really listening, commenting with questions that maybe weren't very nice, I must have looked bored because he asked me at least 10 times if I was...oh no Forrest not at all, I'm enjoying hearing all about the downfall of your life on the first meeting, Please continue!!

When his phone rang, and it was work, I encouraged him to return the call, during this time a very good friend of mine text ed me, it was just the excuse I needed and used to get out of there, I actually lied, not wanting to hurt his feelings, but sadly not caring, just wanting to be like "Jenny and fly far, far far away from there" and less then 15 min later I was happily on my way home to a quiet house to relax. I admit I felt kind of bad, but not bad enough to wish I had stayed.

I walked in the door a little aggravated, I felt like I had wasted a cute outfit and a good hair day on nothing, I went in to the kitchen, grabbed a vase, filled it halfway with water and dropped the flowers in it, paper and all, pouted and went up the stairs to bed.

The point I am trying to make is where are all the normal men? ok that really isn't my point but it is a valid question don't you think?

Maybe I don't really have a point, but how much information is too much information on a first date? I didn't really need to know all of that, although it did save me from a second date.

And what about misrepresentation? I'm going to see that the pics are 10 years old when you show up. Do we really live in a society that doesn't allows us to just be who we are? how can you have great conversation on the phone and not be able to carry on a conversation in person.

So I learned my lesson, no more dating anyone I haven't seen in person first...or maybe I should just go back and date coffee guy!!