Have you ever walked into something knowing that the outcome wasn't going to be a good one? Looked at a situation and said hmmmm.... this isn't going to end well! That's how I feel right now. I have been spending more time with a certain someone, not only more time, but having more conversations, letting him into my thoughts, and unfortunately feeling things for him I don't quite understand. If you knew him, you would understand why it's so difficult NOT to fall for him. He's perfect, and I don't mean perfect without flaws, I mean just perfect in the sense that he knows how to treat a woman, and not just any woman, but me, he listens to what your needs are and then he makes every effort to meet them, and not in an obvious way, not like he's trying to hard, it just comes natural to him to make me feel amazing. We spent the night together Friday, and being next to him all night is so comforting, I miss that, the intimacy you have with someone in the middle of the night, you know all those things, foot over theirs, holding hands, snuggled up. I could barely sleep, I just wanted to enjoy it, to enjoy him lying there next to me, and it wasn't that I was just lost in the intimacy, I was getting lost in him. And getting lost in someone is a scary place to be. Of course the oh my goodnessing is always amazing, the way he touches me, the way my body responds to him and his touch, the way he kisses me. The conversation is always good, and the laughter, inside jokes are still my favorite thing about him. But prior to all that we were out dancing on Friday night, and we we're dancing to a slow song, and I looked up at him, looked in his eyes, he slowly kissed me and I knew in that one moment that he would inevitably and unintentionally shatter my heart one day.
Is that his fault, no.. not at all. I could walk away, I could try to keep my feelings in check, keep from feelings things for him neither of us wants. but I won't do any of those, I will just enjoy every minute I spend with him, I will keep the things I feel for him as hidden as I can, and I will know that some day, one day when he is gone from my life, and my heart is aching, that he was worth the price of admission.
