Sunday, July 26, 2009

Who She Is!


She is a girl who has made many mistakes and many bad choices, but learned valuable lessons from them, and she is determined to never make the same mistakes twice. She has forgiven herself and others, but doesn't allow herself to forget. She questions everything, verbally and sometimes only in thought, not because she is defiant, but because it helps her survive, in knowing, she can protect herself if need be. She is independent, not because she wants to be, but because she has to be. She doesn't know how to be any other way. She is kind hearted, passionate and compassionate. She is faithful, loyal but trusts only to an extent. She is smarter than people think and more observant than one would believe. She has loved unconditionally once, but doesn't know if she could ever do it again, but hopes she will. She is tender hearted and has been accused of wearing it on her sleeve. She came from a broken home, and a life filled with chaos, as such she needs to have structure and rules in her life, she needs to know whats expected of her, and where the lines are drawn, it makes her feel safe, but she knows sometimes she has taken it to the extreme. She works hard, and she believes in a good work ethic. She values family and friends, and believes that she has been blessed with the best of friends to make up for the lack of family and she cherishes those friendships even more because of it. She is optimistic, and tries not to complain, life could be worse, she knows this, because she has lived it. She has a sense of humor, and feels laughter is true medicine for the soul. She is curious, but never for selfish reason, she is interested and cares. She gets her feelings hurt, too easily she thinks, but doesn't like to show it, it frustrates her to be so sensitive. She is emotional, and feels hurt for those that hurt. She cries easily, too easily. She is impatient, and believes its one of her biggest weaknesses. She is argumentative and likes to have the last word. She is a mom first and foremost, and sometimes she forgets she is more than that. She sacrafices part of her life for her children, but doesn't see it as a sacrifice, they are first in her heart and mind. She wishes she had a better relationship with her mother, and she longs for the approval and acceptance of her mother even at this age, and is hurt that she doesn't have it, but she knows she can't change it and makes sure her children never feel the same way. She is a little girl at heart, loves the simple things in life and prefers the gift of someones time more so than something they could ever buy for her. She is sentimental, and keeps silly things to remind her of the memories. She doesn't take risks, she normally plays it this side of safe. She is ridiculous and random, and says things that don't always make sense, but she can laugh at herself. She is girly and loves to be feminine. She can get dirty if need be, and can feel sexy in a pair of jeans as much as in a low cut dress. She loves Tiffany's little blue boxes and white bows, and a hand made card on any day more than one bought. She expects very little from people, so she can be surprised when they come through and not so disappointed when they don't.

She is all these things and more.... She is a simple girl made up of complex things.

Oogles Of Googles


I can honestly say that up until a few months ago, I had never googled anyone. I hadn't thought of the concept until someone said they had googled me. hmmmm... what does one find out about someone else when they google them. Curious by nature, I had to know.

So when I set out on my search I had no idea what information I might find, I will say I was surprised by what I happened upon, the intranet is an interesting thing, because at the push of a button you can find out just about anything on a wide variety of subjects or people. You can search by name, by email, by screen name, topics, phrases, words, it is ridiculous. You can get articles, images, past history, addresses, phone numbers, people related, anything right there in the comfort of your own home.

Now I think it is important to mention here, that I am not some stalker girl, using information gained for some random acts of craziness. I have always had a bit of information at my fingertips, but what one chooses to do with that information says something about them I think. What did I do with my new found information? Nothing, absolutely nothing. Not everyone has a hidden agenda, not everyone seeks to destroy.

So with patience I waited for the source to reveal the information personally. Although I think it is easy to secretly search for answers, I believe whole heartedly if you want to know something, you should go directly to the source, you see, information can be enlightening, it can teach you things, it can be powerful, but it can also be confusing. And when you go to the source, it's alot easier to keep from getting it all mixed up.

Now you might say that answering one question only brings more questions, but at the end of the day is it really so wrong to want to learn more about the ones you care about? I don't think so, but that's just my opinion, yours may be different.

I came, I searched, I saw..... I will seek no more. I like my information a whole lot more when it is delivered personally via a funny story, a moment of tell me something I don't know, during conversation, or just while listening. Much more meaningful that way... at least I think so.


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Friday, July 17, 2009

drunk texting should be illegal.


So here I am still awake, why? because my phone keeps going off, I thought at first it was just a random face book update, but then when it didn't stop I figured I'd better make sure it wasn't an emergency. Nope... just a drunk texter... ugh! There is something incredibly irritating about drunk texts, first of all, the texts rarely make sense, words are misspelled, takes 3 texts to send 5 words, but most of all the person really thinks you want to know what they have to tell you. In this case that couldn't be farther from the truth. I have no desire to know that you still think about me, that you wish things could be different, that you know you made the wrong decision, that you are sorry. I've heard it all before, many times, at many different hours, by text, by email, by song lyrics, the message is always the same, and my answer is always the same... that was a long time ago, and I am much better off now. I send a quick text in response that simply says " are you sure you wouldn't rather be texting her instead?" It usually does the trick. Not tonight, tonight he has much to say about alot of things, I don't answer, as I do not want to encourage the texts, and eventually I just turn my phone off. Alcohol induced discoveries about the past are never a good thing. So what do I do with that? What do I say anymore? I understand where the feelings are coming from, I felt them once so many years ago, but I do not feel that way anymore. The decision to leave although not mine was the best decision for everyone involved. Why can't the past just stay in the past? and why must the past pick up a phone and try to have a one sided alcohol induced conversation?